Feeling disconnected from yourself rarely happens overnight.

In my experience, it's something that develops gradually through life. Sometimes it begins in childhood. Sometimes through relationships. Sometimes through repeated experiences, difficult environments, loss, rejection, chronic stress, or years of adapting to what life seems to require from us.

Little by little, we learn who we should be. We learn:

• What's rewarded
• What's criticised
• What's expected
• What makes us feel accepted
• And what parts of ourselves seem safer to hide

Over time, these adaptations become automatic. We stop asking ourselves, "What do I actually need?" "What do I actually want?" Instead, we become very good at responding to everyone and everything around us.

When Protection Becomes Identity

One psychological concept that strongly resonates with my own observations comes from Carl Jung and his idea of the persona — the different versions of ourselves we learn to present to the world.

Most of us don't wear just one mask. We naturally adapt depending on where we are, who we're with, and what we believe is expected of us.

The persona itself isn't the problem. It often helps us function in the world. The difficulty begins when protecting those versions of ourselves becomes more important than listening to who we really are.

Perhaps you've become:

• The responsible one
• The successful one
• The independent one
• The people-pleaser
• The one who always seems fine

These roles rarely appear by accident. They often develop because, at some point, they protected us from emotions that felt too painful, overwhelming, or unsafe to experience.

• Instead of feeling rejection... we become indispensable.
• Instead of feeling shame... we become high achievers.
• Instead of risking conflict... we learn to never disappoint anyone.

Without even noticing, the strategy slowly becomes our identity. Very few of us ever pause to ask: Who am I when nobody is watching? Who am I when nobody's expectations or approval are influencing my choices?

Accepting Our Own Complexity

One idea I've been reflecting on for a long time is what I call accepting our own complexity.

I think many of us exhaust ourselves trying to be:

• Always confident
• Always productive
• Always kind
• Always positive

But human beings aren't designed that way. We're complex. We fluctuate.

• Some days we need adventure
• Other days we need silence
• Sometimes we're playful
• Sometimes analytical
• Sometimes deeply emotional
• Sometimes deeply rational

None of those versions is more "real" than another. The problem isn't that we change. The problem is believing we're only allowed to be one version of ourselves.

The more attached we become to one identity, the harder it becomes to evolve. Authenticity, to me, isn't becoming one perfectly defined version of yourself. It's allowing yourself to be fully human.

Why We Avoid Ourselves

Sometimes we genuinely don't know who we are anymore. Other times, I think we're afraid to find out. Because looking within may bring us face to face with:

• Grief
• Shame
• Fear
• Anger
• Needs we've ignored
• Dreams we've convinced ourselves are unrealistic

So we stay busy. We scroll. We overwork. We keep taking care of everyone else.

I've also noticed that constantly focusing on other people's needs can become a coping mechanism in itself. When all our attention is directed outward, we don't have to face what's happening within.

The discomfort isn't usually in asking, "Who am I?" The discomfort is in allowing ourselves to hear the answer.

We Don't Lose Ourselves

One of the biggest shifts in my own understanding came when I realised something. I don't think we lose ourselves. I think we lose access to ourselves.

Our authentic self doesn't disappear. It simply becomes covered by years of conditioning, protective strategies, social expectations, and emotional experiences that were never fully processed.

How Reiki Fits Into My Work

This is one of the reasons Reiki became an important part of my work. When we spend years adapting, suppressing emotions, or becoming who we believe we need to be, we can lose touch with our own inner experience.

From my experience, Reiki can create a space to slow down and turn our attention inward. Emotions, beliefs, and parts of ourselves that have been pushed aside can become easier to notice and feel.

Sometimes this brings difficult emotions to the surface. Sometimes it brings clarity about what we actually need, want, or no longer want.

For me, this is part of the process of reconnecting with ourselves. Not creating a new identity, but gradually becoming more aware of what is already there beneath the layers we've built around it.