Self-sabotage can show up in almost any area of life.

We say we want more money, a healthier relationship, better health, more joy, a new career, or to finally pursue a dream — yet somehow we keep doing things that move us away from it.

Sometimes we procrastinate. Sometimes we avoid. Sometimes we overthink until we're exhausted. Sometimes we start and then lose momentum.

It's easy to call this a lack of discipline or motivation. But I think it's often more complicated than that.

When Different Parts of Us Want Different Things

We can consciously want something while another part of us doesn't feel ready for what it would require:

• We might want intimacy but fear vulnerability
• Want success but fear failure, visibility, or criticism
• Want independence but feel safer relying on what we already know
• Want change while still feeling deeply attached to familiarity

Sometimes the issue is also self-worth. If, beneath the surface, we don't really believe we're worthy of what we're asking for, we may struggle to receive it even when we consciously want it.

This can create a conflict: I want this — but I don't fully feel safe, capable, or worthy of having it. And when that conflict remains outside our awareness, it can show up as self-sabotage.

Sometimes We Make the Problem Bigger Than It Is

Perfectionism is a good example. We keep analysing, questioning and trying to find the perfect decision because moving forward means accepting uncertainty and the possibility of getting something wrong. Eventually, thinking becomes a way of avoiding action.

A different approach can be much simpler: take a smaller step, see what happens, learn from it, and adjust as you go. We don't always need to know the whole route before we begin.

The same applies to dreams. A dream can feel completely safe while it stays in our imagination. We can imagine the outcome without having to face the risk, effort, uncertainty or possibility of disappointment that comes with making it real.

The longer we keep it there, the bigger the gap between the imagined version and real life can become. At some point, taking one imperfect step may be more useful than thinking about the dream for another year.

Not Everything Is Self-Sabotage

There is another side to this that I think is important. Sometimes we call something self-sabotage simply because we aren't giving it as much attention as we'd like.

But life has phases. Our time, energy, money and emotional capacity are limited. Sometimes creating space for one area of life means temporarily giving less to another.

• A phase of building financial stability may leave less room for adventure
• A phase of rebuilding your health or regulating your life may mean less energy for relationships
• A phase of deep personal work may naturally become more inward

That doesn't necessarily mean we've failed or permanently lost something. Like a tree, different parts of our lives can grow at different times.

The problem comes when we treat every phase as a final version of our life — or fight against the fact that something needs to change for something else to grow.

Sometimes what looks like "withholding" is actually preparation. Sometimes we need stability before expansion. Sometimes we need to build healthier habits before we have the capacity for the life we imagine. And sometimes, once that phase has done what it needed to do, we naturally feel ready to move again. We don't always have to force that transition.

So What Are We Actually Doing?

Instead of immediately asking, "Why am I sabotaging myself?", I find it more useful to ask:

• What am I afraid will happen if I actually get what I say I want?
• Is there a part of me that doesn't feel ready, safe, or worthy of it?
• Am I avoiding something — or am I consciously giving my energy to what matters most in this phase of my life?
• What am I willing to make smaller for now to create space for something else?

These questions can help us distinguish between avoidance and conscious choice.

Moving Forward Without Fighting Ourselves

To me, overcoming self-sabotage isn't about forcing every part of our life to move forward at once. It's about becoming more aware of what is actually happening within us.

• Sometimes we need to take action
• Sometimes we need to slow down
• Sometimes we need to let go of something temporarily to make space for something else
• And sometimes we simply need to give a process enough time to unfold

The more consciously we make those choices, the less we have to fight ourselves. We can stop treating every pause as failure, every change of focus as loss, and every uncomfortable feeling as a reason to turn back.

Perhaps the goal isn't to make every part of life happen at once. Perhaps it's to understand what this phase of life is asking from us — and trust that what we consciously nurture now can become part of a much bigger picture later.

Where Reiki Fits Into My Work

This is one of the reasons Reiki became important in my work.

From my experience, self-sabotage can sometimes be driven by emotions and limiting beliefs that sit beneath our conscious awareness — fear of failure, rejection, disappointment, not being good enough, or not feeling worthy of what we want.

I see Reiki as a way of bringing some of these deeper layers into awareness, so they can be felt and processed rather than continuing to influence our choices automatically.

As the emotional charge and limiting beliefs begin to loosen, the conflict between what we consciously want and what we subconsciously fear can also soften. Often the behaviour changes with it — we become more able to take the steps we were previously avoiding.